3 keys to successful self-care
Self-care – we are almost numb to the words these days. Yoga, pedicures, exercise, expensive retreats. This is what we are told will help us unwind from a stress-filled life. But what if the journey is a long one? What if the difficult moments seem unrelenting? What if the stressor is your loved one’s addiction to substances and you have little to no control?
When typical self-care is not enough
It can be frustrating to hear over and over from your friends and supporters to do some self-care when you are worried about your loved one’s substance use. Although not unhelpful, self-care steps like taking a yoga class or getting your nails done, can feel like far from enough. That’s because they are not. They are temporary respites from your pain.
I’m not saying stop doing these important things. Moving your body, partaking in beauty rituals, putting time in on caring for yourself hold a lot of potential value and the small things add up. The problem is they only distract you from what you are feeling and thinking, and the bigger issues are waiting around the corner. The relief is not typically lasting.
Your loved one’s addiction or recovery journey is unpredictable and complicated. You have likely been on a roller coaster of feeling like things are fine and things are terrible all in the same day. The up and down – the roller coaster – is exhausting.
So what things have a lasting effect?
Living in a state of high stress steals our ability to relax. When we relax, we can reflect. When we can reflect, we can learn and recharge. You might be thinking – “yeah, right, relax. I can’t remember the last time I did that since my loved one got out of rehab (or moved home, or got sober).”
Allowing yourself to stay in a high state of stress isn’t going to allow for self-reflection, growth and improved relationships. Invitation to Change (*) works to build your resilience in difficult times through its main components built for you, the family member. As a coach, I can help you move through the three main awareness components to living with or supporting your loved one on their journey: Self-Awareness, Willingness and Self-Compassion.
· Self-Awareness work leads to greater awareness of what you are thinking, feeling, experiencing and can promote a more intentional, proactive and strategic response.
· Willingness work shows loved ones the way to a more balanced approach to their loved. Stay connected while acknowledging the difficult feelings, engage in the pain and understand it better.
· Self-Compassion work shines a kind light on a loved one’s experience, especially those times when we are not proud of our reaction or response.
In the realm of self-care, these three areas are like making a lifestyle change, not just going on a diet. Try out coaching with me, give yourself what you need when it comes to skills that last, lifestyle change vs. quick fix. You deserve support on your journey to supporting your loved one.
If you like what you read and you want to work with me, reach out by using any of the contact me buttons on my website.
*Invitation to Change was developed by the CMC: Foundation for Change